All My Husband Cares About Is My Performance In The Bedroom

When we first got married I asked him for capital a business. He told me to give him some time to raise it. I waited for some time but that didn’t happen. When I reminded him he told me times were hard. I had an MTN mobile money merchant I was planning to work with. But because I didn’t have money to start the business, I gave him the SIM card to use.

I hoped he would invest in it, use it to work for a while, and help me set up something for myself. However, all he did was work and keep the money for himself. As I am typing this, my phone is spoilt. I asked him for a new phone and all he did was make excuses. “I will buy it for you at the end of the month.” Or “I will give it to you next week.” Or “When I get a bonus at work, I will use the money to buy a new phone for you.” This continued until I got tired and stopped asking him for it.

Can you believe he bought his mother a new phone when she paid us a visit? Meanwhile, my mother-in-law already had a working phone. She didn’t need a new one.

Our marriage is seventeen months old. And ever since we got money, he gives me pocket money of GHC150 for a week and at the beginning of every month, he would give me GHC300 to buy food stuffs that would last the entire month. Tell me, in this Ghanaian economy can GHC300 cater for one month’s worth of food for a household?

When I ask him to increase the money he would tell me that’s the best he can do. So I end up adding GHC200 or GHC300 to the monthly money in order to cater for food. I tell him, “If you help me to establish a business, I will have enough money to take care of the home whenever you are unable to. This business is not going to benefit only me. It will be good for our family.” And he responds, “You know if I have the money, I will help you.”

The truth of the matter is that I know he has the money to help me. He works in an institution that pays him well. Besides, he makes good money from the Mobile Money Merchant Sim I gave him. I don’t know how much money he wants to make before he acknowledges that he has money.

I would have done everything without his help but my money is with people. I credited some items to people in the past and some of them are yet to pay me. If I had those monies in hand, I wouldn’t need his help to start a business. But I don’t have it so I am completely broke.

I am currently in debts because of my financial situation. Just the other day someone called me to ask for her money. I didn’t know what to tell the person so I just apologized for the delay. “Please be patient with me. I will pay as soon as possible,” I promised. My husband was sitting right next to me when I made this call. But he pretended as if he didn’t hear anything I said.

I know some men who would settle their wives’ debts, but not my husband. He didn’t even ask me, “How much are you owing the person?” Or “How come you owe someone?” He couldn’t be bothered to say anything at all. It is at this point that I am reevaluating my marriage. I am beginning to feel strongly that my husband doesn’t love me. Maybe he never did.

I know that if a man loves a woman, he does his best to make life easier for her. So why am I married to a man who doesn’t give a hoot about my well-being. The only thing that concerns him is my body. You would think he married me just so he can have someone who will always bend when he needs her to bend. Squat when he needs her to squat. And lie down when he needs her to lie down. That’s all he wants; shuperu whenever he needs it.

He is always rude to me. He is only nice when he is inside me. What can I do to make him care about me beyond what I offer him in the bedroom? I want him to treat me with respect and care like he did, before I agreed to marry him. I want to feel like a wife, not just an object for my husband’s pleasure. If I knew this is how he would behave after marriage, I would have given the whole thing a second thought.


—Matan Ali

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