Oh men, you precious sweaty, hairy, grunting creatures. You may be handsome, and great at building things with your bare hands, but sometimes you can be misguided.
You see, there’s an age-old sex belief you’ve been carrying around forever that is simply wrong, wrong, wrong.
In fact, the sex industry with all it’s ridiculous lotions and potions have been taking you for an absolute ride and many of you have spent up big for nothing!
This became obvious on Monday night following another juicy edition of my ‘Tell me a Saucy Secret’ Instagram questionnaire.
One man wrote in saying: ‘I am the proud owner of a large c**k. We’re talking huge!! I married my high school sweetheart and my biggest regret is not letting more women experience it.’
We women much prefer your average run-of-the-mill pecker. So can we finally dispel the myth once and for all that women are after giant ones. It simply isn’t true
Now, as someone who has seen one (okay, two!) particularly large ones, I wasn’t exactly impressed by this confession. In fact, it made me clench my thighs just thinking about it.
So, I decided to include a poll that asked the question: Are big ones overrated?
Over the next 24 hours the votes came in strong and fast. With many, many men asking for me to display the final tally. All were hungrily awaiting the outcome.
Drum roll please… A whopping 76 per cent of people (mostly female) voted YES!
Turns out we women much prefer your average run-of-the-mill pecker. So can we finally dispel the myth once and for all that women are after giant ones. It simply isn’t true.
You see, what men seem to forget is large ones require a lot of preparation. For starters we’re going to need a plenty of lube, then there’s the friction to deal with, and don’t even get me started on chafing. Ouch!
Plus, if you’re expecting us to reach the big O, you may have to distract us from our breathing exercises just to get the damn thing in.
I talk from experience. You see, the second guy I ever slept with had a giant one. Now I had only ever peeped one other one before him, which upon reflection, was actually quite large as well – no wonder it took me so long to lose my virginity.
But the second one – good lord – I needed all the gusto in the world just to prepare for it. But I really fancied this guy, so I accepted the challenge.
Unfortunately, our favourite Sex and the City member, Samantha Jones, had led me to believe it would be an earth-shattering enjoyable experience. It was not. I was too busy in my head trying to navigate this new terrain that I couldn’t actually lie back and enjoy it.
I persisted though because like I said, the crush was real. Unfortunately, it never really got better. In the end I had to call it off because sex is an important element to my relationships, and I couldn’t see any improvement on the horizon.
One of my gay besties had the same experience. He still gets sad thinking about his ex who was a ‘top’ and just far too large. He said to me the other day ‘Can you believe that’s the reason we broke up!’ not because of cheating, or too many fights, just a throbbing member that was far to… well… throbbing!
And it’s not just the oblong objects attached to men that we prefer to be mid-length. According to a recent survey conducted by online sex toy retailer Lovehoney, the preferred size for a dildo is 6 inches (15.24cm). Hardly giant.
So for all the men out there consistently worried that they’re not packing enough downstairs, chill. You can stop buying the flashy cars and waving around your black Amex in an attempt to distract us. We don’t want them large. We want lovely normal size ones.
If you’re expecting us to reach the big O, you may have to distract us from our breathing exercises just to get the damn thing in
What we really care about is whether you know how to use it. Oh, and cleanliness. Always cleanliness.
Just like men vary in their tastes when it comes to women’s bodies – some like big butts, some like small. Others prefer giant breasts, some like smaller perkier boobies. Women are exactly the same.
Therefore, BDE should be reserved for the mind, not your pants. Now go forth lads and enjoy your middle-of-the-range schlongs, because we sure do.
READ MORE: War of the willies! Data reveals the average penis sizes around the world