During our first day at counselling, our counsellor told us to be open to each other and tell each other what we believe each other should know.
He said, “You’re about to enter into a spiritual partnership. Both of you are going to be one and one body can’t keep secrets from each other. This is a chance for you to let each other in on things.”
He gave us a checklist to go through. So when we got home, we sat down and went through the checklist. It had questions from our upbringing and the life we’ve lived and many other things including questions on abortion.
He asked me, “So how many abortions have you had?” I shook my head. “Me? Abortion? I’ve been through a lot of things but I’ve never let go of a baby. If I had one, I would have had it.”
Honestly, I did one. My boyfriend before him got me pregnant. We dated for six years but his mind wasn’t on marriage though he was a good guy. After he told me he couldn’t father our child, I let it go and also let the relationship go. A year later, I met my husband and we started our journey
He confessed to me, “I got two people impregnated. One didn’t tell me until after she had done it. The other one, I pushed for it because I wasn’t ready.”
I didn’t judge him. We moved on to other questions on the list until we exhausted the whole thing. Body count wasn’t part of the list but he brought it into the conversation and asked how many men I’d slept with.
I thought it was the period to be honest so I counted on both hands and said, “Eleven. It should be ten but I’m counting eleven because I’m not sure if the last guy did it. I was drunk. I felt it happened but he denied it.”
He didn’t fret. He didn’t act surprised. He told me he had slept with four women. Two were from his childhood and the other two came later in his life.
We were successful with the checklist. Both of us were happy and reported happily to our counsellor.
We got married and for three years we’ve been able to weather the storm in our marriage successfully but one thing never goes away.
Anytime we disagree, my husband would remind me of the many men I’d slept with. “Do you think I’m like you? If I had eleven women to sleep with, do you think I would be available for you to marry me?”
My body count comes up at every turn when we argue. It never rests. For three years it has become the silencer. The final word that puts a stop to every argument.
I don’t regret telling him. It’s my truth and I felt I was doing the right thing looking at the circumstances. My regret is telling it to a man who doesn’t have a sense of timing and knowing the essence of truth—his wife’s truth.
So, to the girl whose boyfriend is asking about her body count, I will tell you this, “Don’t tell him.”
Don’t tell him.
Don’t tell him.
But if you want to tell him, then do it because you want to use it as a reason to leave the relationship. You tell him the number today, tomorrow you say bye-bye.
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But if you say it and you try to stay, it will be the end of you. He may even marry you but he won’t forget the number of men you’ve slept with. The number would be your name. He might even use the number as his password.