It’s totally natural for you to spill your guts to your girlfriends about what’s going on in your relationship hell, it’s practically a right of passage at brunch or book club but that doesn’t mean you should share everything. There are a few things that relationship experts deem worthy of staying between you and your S.O. Find out what they are, and no matter how much you want to bond with your BFFs, keep your mouth shut.
1. When one of you cheats.
Whether it was an emotional or physical affair (yes, there’s a difference and yes, they’re both considered infidelity), any acts that had you or your partner straying outside your relationship need to be kept quiet, says Firstein. It’s common to want to vent to someone else — say, your mom or your best friend. that can irreparably damage their opinion of your partner. And while that may be NBD if the two of you decide to separate, if you want to make a comeback it’ll be that much harder. Because others know about it, it will linger on and you’ll have to deal with their feelings and judgment for however long they decide.
2. The status of your partner’s physical or mental health
Your s.o.’s health struggles, whether they’re about infertility, depression or anything else, are nothing to be ashamed of. That said, it’s ultimately their choice, not yours, whether to share those details with others and when. This is private information and unless your partner is open about these things, you owe it to them to keep these things confidential.
3. Terrible gifts.
If your partner gives you a gift that you’re not entirely pleased with. Just keep it to yourself. Remember that gifts are material items. And it’s really the thought that goes into a gift that counts. Don’t be so quick to publicly shame your partner for their poor gift-giving skills.
4. Fights and disagreements.
You and your partner aren’t always going to see eye to eye on everything. And that’s okay. It’s very much normal to have fights and disagreements in relationships. However, it’s important that you keep these fights within your relationship. You don’t want to be broadcasting your debates out to the world.
5. Bedroom antics.
Physical intimacy is definitely something that should ALWAYS be kept intimate. Remember that s*x is a journey of discovery that the two of you embark on as partners. And it’s a journey that you should only keep to yourselves. The world doesn’t need to know what you’re doing in the bedroom.
6. Your partner’s insecurities.
Your partner is going to have some very deep and personal insecurities. We all do. And they might not be so comfortable with discussing these insecurities to the public. That’s why you always have to be sensitive of their feelings. Make sure that you don’t reveal anything about them that they’re not ready to reveal themselves.
7. Anything that you haven’t cared to share with your partner
He’s not great in bed. She’s a pushover. If there’s some feeling that you have about the person that you’re with, but you haven’t had a conversation with them about it, then it’s off limits for outside conversations. Don’t use your partner’s shortcomings as stand-up comedy material for you and your buddies. If there’s something that bothers you about your wife or husband, be honest with them about it.
8. Your partner’s past
Maybe he cheated. Maybe she had an ugly divorce with her ex. No matter what the issue is, there’s no need to broadcast it. Just because you’ve accepted their past doesn’t mean that your friends will do the same. It’s clear that they’ve put it behind them, so allow it to stay there. By using it as a conversation piece outside of your relationship, you’re betraying their trust in a big way.
9. Something they’ve shared with you in confidentiality
It should be understood that the level of confidentiality with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is as high as it gets. It’s a safe space where they can share about their friends, family, or coworkers without worry that what they’ve said will be heard by anyone else. If they find out that something they’ve said found it’s way into the ear of someone that isn’t you, the trust in your relationship will be broken.
10. How they feel about your friends
This information is on a need to know basis, and your friends most definitely don’t need to know. If your partner isn’t a fan of your friends, it’s not the end of the world. They’re your friends, not theirs. As long as everyone is civil, that’s all that matters. Want to know how to turn things from civil to destructive? Tell all your friends that your guy or girl doesn’t enjoy their company.
If The Relationship Is Abusive, Confide In A Trusted Loved One
When any type of abuse or toxic behavior is exhibited in the relationship, opening up to friends or family may be difficult but could be vital to your physical safety and emotional wellbeing. If you’re being abused, if your kids are being abused, or if your relationship is causing you considerable mental or emotional distress, please share these details with someone else, preferably a mental health professional